Mr. Cooper, Esquire

I PASSED THE BAR EXAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To  whoever thought it was a good idea to release these results at 9 PM EST on a Friday night: die. But thanks for not ruining my evening.

And thus concludes the most nerve-wracking three months of my life.

Shelter From The Norm

I'm not sure what there is to say about this. Is it real? Am I seeing this properly? Is that even Bob Dylan, or has an emphysema-riddled Tom Petty seen The Devil Wears Prada too many times? I can only assume that I somehow accidentally ingested peyote, and that this is the odd by-product of my drug-induced delirium.

Although I do think I caught them dancing the hora in there. Thanks for finally throwing us a bone, Bob.

Removing The "Honor" From "Honorary"

When the Academy announced this September that producer-director Roger Corman was to receive an Honorary Oscar, which he received last weekend, it struck me as absurd. This is a man primarily known for making movies that intentionally suck. And until Slumdog Millionaire won Best Picture, I had been under the impression that the Oscars were intended to honor, like, the opposite of that.

Corman, the famed director of such critically-praised classics as The Wasp Woman and Attack of the Crab Monsters, is primarily recognized for his role in spotting and mentoring other cinematic luminaries, like Scorsese, Coppola and Nicholson. And I get that, since the award is supposed to be for "extraordinary distinction in lifetime achievement [or] exceptional contributions to the state of motion picture arts and sciences," that technically qualifies. But I tend to side with this guy:

Corman -- who by most accounts is a nice fellow and a terrific boss to work for -- never tried to make great films. He wanted to make cheap, profitable films, and to crank them out in a couple weeks. He's been extraordinarily successful at it, and there's definitely a place for that kind of product in moviedom. But again, that doesn't mesh with the philosophy of the Academy Awards, which is to reward artistic excellence. How can you give an Oscar to someone who isn't even STRIVING for that, let alone achieving it? ...

Many people hold that Corman is worthy of recognition because so many huge Hollywood talents got their start acting, writing, or directing for him. Corman was something of a one-man film school, providing the first big break for Martin Scorsese, Peter Bogdanovich, Jonathan Demme, James Cameron, Jack Nicholson, Francis Ford Coppola, Ron Howard, Robert De Niro, Sylvester Stallone, Joe Dante, and dozens more. ... So give those people the Oscars for the good movies they eventually made. Giving Corman an Oscar for helping them learn the ropes is like giving a high school teacher an award because his students went on to graduate from the top of their college classes.

You don't see the Nobel committee giving out Peace Prizes to Obama's middle school teachers, do you?

They're saving those for next year. 

Resistance Is Futile

Marc:  I've given up, and you win

"HIMYM - Season 1" is currently downloading

Me:  YES

when are you watching

Marc:  when it finishes down-wait for it-loading

And another one bites the dust. How many converts am I up to now? CBS really ought to be sending me a check.

Join us.

The TV Network

"[Aaron] Sorkin tells TVGuideMagazine.com that – like his previous series Sports Night (set around an ESPN-style sports news show) and Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (set around a Saturday Night Live-esque sketch comedy show) – his next effort will take place backstage on yet another TV series."

Enough. When did Aaron Sorkin become to television what David E. Kelley is to law firms? The world doesn't need another behind-the-scenes show. 30 Rock is doing us just fine.

What Sorkin should do -- if he insists on keeping with the television theme -- is a show about running a network itself. The internal politics, the stresses of life as an executive, etc. Those were always the most only compelling parts of Studio 60, and I think he'd do well to focus a new show entirely on that. Plop the West Wing down at 30 Rock. It's a topic far more suited to his talents.

Or he could, y'know, write about something else for a change.

Take A Bow

"There is no reason for an American president to bow to anyone. … Our friends and allies don't expect it, and our enemies see it as a sign of weakness." - Former Vice President Dick Cheney, on President Obama bowing to the emperor of Japan as a matter of protocol

Huh. Interesting.

Just in case there was any confusion, that ain't Obama.

Looks like someone's not a Goldie Hawn fan.

The Conservative Elites

Heck, I could write that book right now! Well, almost. Two out of three.

So Sarah's on her book tour now. Exactly how long is this thing gonna be? Because I'm not sure how much longer I can stomach being lectured about "finding your purpose" from a woman who clearly only got into public service to cash in, or hearing about "not needing a title to make a difference" from a woman who makes none regardless.

But that's hardly the worst of it:

Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin said Tuesday she is not trying to reach “the liberal elites” on her book tour, but instead is focusing on “everyday, hard-working Americans.”

Yeah. Like Oprah.

So Sarah is ignoring the major cities and the "liberal media" -- that is, except for the one who openly endorsed her opponent last fall. It's ironic, really, for her to be ignoring "liberal elites" on a tour designed to sell books -- I'd venture to guess they're the majority of people buying it. Albeit for the wrong reasons, of course.

I have no doubt that it's going to be a page-turner. I'm sure it will be unintentionally hilarious. And I know that it's going to be 99% fiction, with the occasional real-life reference sprinkled in to add a whiff of potential accuracy. It'll be like a Dan Brown novel with better writing.

No, Sarah wants no part of the "liberal elites". Just the conservative ones. She won't go on The Today Show. She won't go on CNN. She definitely won't go on Katie Couric. But I'm sure she's talking to Sean Hannity. Ordinary, everyday non-elite Sean Hannity.

For the record, having your own TV show and your own radio show doesn't really count as "holding down two jobs."

Legen-Wait For It-Twary

Bad news, folks. NPH has joined Twitter. Another one bites the dust.

Wait, what? Actual humor? Proper punctuation? I'm confused.

Well played, sir. I guess we can do without officially awarding a demerit. Finally, someone's figured out how to class this thing up.

Unlike, say, Tracy Morgan:

Indeed.

I enjoy how the apparent mark of a "genuine" celebrity on Twitter is merely writing the word "Real" or "Actually" in your name, as though someone else couldn't just do that. Now if only I could figure out which of the three Barney Stinson's on Twitter is the real one.

Ah. Definitely that one.

Tell That To Melinda

Tokyo 'World's Best Place to Eat'

I know at least one person who would staunchly disagree.

DE-Friend

The Oxford English Dictionary has determined the Word of the Year 2009. And that "word" is: unfriend.

You'll notice my use of quotations above. They are not a typographical error. "Unfriend" is most definitely not a word. It's de-friend. I will not be moved.

I take this as a personal slap in the face. You may recall my short-lived "Candidate for De-Friending" series from a while back. In any event, there is now little doubt that the editors of the Oxford English Dictionary have not added me to their Google Reader. And I'll be honest: it stings.

Not that I've read their book, but still.

In the meantime, let us commence mourning the fact that 2009 dictionary entry "tramp stamp" was beaten out for "Word of the Year" honors. That is not a joke.

I leave you with two words: Merriam-Webster.

Fourth And Two

People are still talking about the Patriots giving the game away on fourth and two Sunday night. Allow me to put the debate to rest.

Disclaimer: what follows will initially sound as though I am defending Bill Belichick. I assure you, this is not, nor will it ever be, the case.

Many people claim they can't understand why Belichick decided not to punt from his own 30 with two minutes left and the best quarterback in football waiting to take over. And that is why these people are not multi-Super Bowl-winning NFL coaches. Say what you will about whether you agree with the call or not, it's not hard to see why he made it: the percentages say it gave him the better chance to win. They convert most fourth downs. Going for it on that fourth down gave them a 79% chance to win. Punting gave them a 70% chance to win. Add to that the fact that the Patriots defense had just given up two touchdowns in the fourth quarter, and it's not hard to see why he did it.

Of course, this calculation completely ignores the intangibles of the game that statistics ignore -- momentum, home field advantage, the opposing quarterback, etc. But my point here is that I actually don't mind the call. In fact, I actually like the call. You're supposed to have a high-powered offense. If going for it on fourth down gives you the best chance to win, two cracks at two yards shouldn't be an impossible feat. Punting there would have been the face-saving move for a head coach, but not necessarily the smart one.

What I don't like -- at all -- was the play call. Across the field pass to a back-up running back? It was ugly, and the fact that it almost worked was luck more than anything else. These Patriots have never missed Josh McDaniels so much. Nor do I like the fact that the Patriots defense shut down completely in the fourth quarter. I mean, I like it personally, but it was objectively bad for the Patriots. That game was won, and the defense handed it away long before that fourth and two.

So blame the crappy play-calling. Blame the shoddy defense. But don't blame a decision based on objective probabilities just because it came up wrong this time out.

But don't get me wrong: still blame Belichick. Please, blame Belichick.

A Pair Of Rutgers "Sports" Videos

Had to. We were on House! Kinda.

Catch The Wave

I finally found a productive use for Twitter: Chris managed to wrangle me a Google Wave invite from someone on Twitter who was offering up their spares. Score!

Next order of business: figuring out exactly what it does.

Reservoir Turtles

Technically, the title"Reservoir Turtles" actually makes more sense.

Apology Not Accepted

“Sorry to my fantasy owners. I apologize. I had myself today. It was a tough call, but whatever it takes to get the victory, that’s what counts.” — Jaguars running back Maurice Jones-Drew, who dropped to his knees at the 1 rather than score in the final minutes of a win over the Jets. His decision allowed the Jaguars to run the clock down, kick a last-second field goal and win, 24-22.

Apology NOT accepted. I own MJD. Touchdowns are worth six points. I lost by four. FMT.

I also own Peyton Manning. My opponent owned Reggie Wayne. A last second touchdown to anyone but Wayne and I win. But it was almost worth the loss just for the horrified look on Belichick's face.

Almost.

25

We're #25!!!!!!! And, on a note of personal satisfaction, by a mere one vote over UNC.

With match-ups against Syracuse and Louisville coming up, we should be ranked until at least December. And if we're lucky, we'll take our ranking into a repeat appearance in the Papajohns.com Bowl. Ugh.

Rutgers: ranked higher than Oklahoma since 2009.

Thursday Night Lights

Like I said. So worth it.

It was like 2006 last night. What's the word on Rutgers moving all our games to Thursdays?